


back to black

by yoonyul4eva



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Mutual Pining, Romance, Some Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:33:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24124423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yoonyul4eva/pseuds/yoonyul4eva
Summary: based on this prompt sent in by cc: also could you write an yvesoul one shot where Yves and jinsoul react to each other’s hair changes for the comeback?
Relationships: Ha Sooyoung | Yves/Jung Jinsol | Jinsoul
Comments: 1
Kudos: 63





	back to black

**Author's Note:**

> if you enjoy this fic, please help to comment & give kudos ♡ 

Oh wow.

See, when that stupid man left the company, Jinsoul thought it’d signify the end of their careers because of the damage done to their albums and prerecorded content. She couldn’t think of a single positive side to his departure, except that her scalp wouldn’t have to hurt and her hair would stop being so damaged.

There was no way she could have known this would replace that.

“Jinsoul?”

“Jinsoul-unnie!”

“JINSOUL-UNNIE!!”

The now black-haired girl quite literally jumps at the loud form of endearment, albeit taken aback at the volume of it. She had been so lost in her own thoughts that she completely missed the members calling for her. Her eyes scan the younger ones carefully – some of them are too sharp for their own good, and Jinsoul cannot afford to let out her secret. A secret that's big enough to ruin not only her own career, but the group's reputation eventually. It’s unfortunate enough that she feels the need to hide her sexuality, for fear that her members might despise her for it. If she were to choose whether debuting in this group is the best choice, however, she’d do it in a heartbeat all over again. The journey is tiring, relentless and constantly full of the unknown but it is also these eleven special girls that make Jinsoul want to continue. Let’s not forget that one very, very unique girl that stands out from the rest in an all too lovely manner.

Just like that, Jungeun, who has been sitting in front of Jinsoul with a slice of pizza in her hand, managed to break the latter out of her deeply rooted thoughts again.

“Are you feeling okay?”

“Jungie… I….”

Jinsoul stops herself short of her words, feeling her eyes begin to hurt with a familiar stinging sensation. She doesn’t know what’s with the sudden rise in emotions but it’s happening, and in front of Jungeun at that. She doesn’t mind getting teased or made fun of but this issue is serious and God forbid, if anyone finds out… what would they think of her?

“Unnie?” Jungeun frowns and puts her plate down. She has been observing the older girl for weeks now, but Jinsoul didn’t approach anyone to open up to. “Do you want to go to our room instead? We can talk there if you’re afraid of doing it here…”

Despite being teased by Jungeun all the time, Jinsoul must admit that her motherly instincts are out of this world. She always seemed to know when Jinsoul needed to speak to someone, or have some alone time. The radio show they had gone on much earlier into the year proved to be a turning point for their friendship. Jinsoul had spoken about how Jungeun makes fun of her even with the two year age gap and subsequently, the younger girl puts in effort to explain that it’s how she shows she cares.

“Come on.”

The pair of eyes that follow the two friends doesn’t move, eyebrows furrowing in worry when she sees the taller girl brush away something from her eye.

|

**Jinsoul’s POV**

I don't know if it is a good idea.

I can barely learn to cope with my overflowing emotions – God, I truly have the emotional range of a bottomless pit. As if crying during concerts all the time isn’t proof of me being a complete loser, I actually almost let myself go in the living room. In the freaking living room, where all the girls were having fun and spending quality time together.

“Unnie, spill.”

Oh, right.

Jungeun is here.

My palms begin to sweat incessantly, thoughts just going in all directions at how badly this conversation could turn out. It’s also obvious that Jungeun’s curiosity is beginning to peak because of how nervous I am. She has always been a curious one, not believing in the phrase that curiosity could kill the cat. This brings me to my next problem also; what if Jungeun eventually feels the need for the other members to know about how I truly feel? What if there's a possible confrontation and considerable disbandment plans to be made? Do I want to be the cause of multiple crushed dreams and irreversible damage; pain that I could never make up for? Certainly not. Not to mention that I could be potentially ruining my own dream girl's life indirectly... dream girl, hah. A likely story that would be.

Why does life have to be so darn complicated?

Or better yet, why do I have to feel like this?

“Jungie… I think you should sit down for this,” I barely force myself to say without stuttering. I watch carefully as she sits on my bed this time, one hand gently rubbing mine in an attempt to provide me comfort. “W-Whatever I’m about to t-tell you, I… no one else knows about it so p-please…”

The flash of worry and panic in Jungeun’s eyes only heighten when she sees my distress – I don’t think she’s ever seen me like this before. I don’t usually get worked up about anything in particular, except during concerts where we meet our fans for such a grand event. Now here’s the part where it terrifies me: Jungeun has a twinkle in her eye, and it only happens when an idea pops into her head. Great – something else to worry about now.

“Wait, I think I know.”

“No, Jungeun---”

“YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON SOO---”

“SHUSSSHHHHH!”

Jungeun’s eyes are the size of our bowls in the kitchen – hardly an exaggeration – when she realizes how hard I’m shaking. She quickly nods in acknowledgement to my worries, grabbing my trembling hands with her warm ones.

I don’t realize it, probably because I feel more numb than usual but there are tears making their way down my cheeks. Well, that’s likely to be the reason why my face is cupped in Jungeun’s hands within a blink of an eye, her fingers wiping them away. All this time, I wondered if I was the only one feeling this way for a girl… but I’m starting to doubt that. Jungeun wouldn’t have that for a first choice if she never thought about it previously. Wow, I really should be more observant of her next time she tries to be slick around the members. Speaking of which, not only did Jungeun guess the topic of their conversation correctly, she also got the person in question correct.

“Unnie… what are you so afraid of?” Jungeun mumbles, the gaze in her eyes softening as she tries to ask in a courteous manner. Normally, she would talk to me in her straightforward ways, which often disguises the fact that she’s younger than me by two years. “Does anyone else know about this? Or did you try to open the topic?”

“Because it’s not normal, Jungeun…”

The look of offence which crossed Jungeun’s face almost makes me wonder if I had said something wrong, though I barely said anything at all. Well, it’s a fairly positive reaction from where I stand, but it doesn’t change the fact that we’re still idols with a huge dating ban. Of course, the dating ban was bound to be presented in the contract because we’re still considered rookies – so imagine how bad the consequences will be if I’m found to be dating and worse, dating someone of the same sexat that.

“Look, Unnie…”

Oh, the mom tone is here.

“No offence, but you can’t seriously be thinking that! Why do you care whether people will see it as normal or not? Since when did you let other people’s thoughts and opinions bother you? Since we were introduced to each other as trainees, I admired the way you could ignore the negative comments and move on with what makes you happy. Why is this time any different from before?”

Jungeun has a strong, extremely valid point there.

When we first got to know each other, I had just convinced my parents to let me train to become a singer and was approaching my graduation ceremony with the rest of my peers. I entered with a faux confidence that I myself couldn’t recognize after rehearsing my introduction repeatedly in the mirror; it obviously did the trick though because it only added to the reason why I was accepted as a trainee. Junguen had become a trainee just three months before me but she carried an aura, one that was not too approachable – well, other trainees would refer to her as the cold and chic one that didn’t talk too much. Of course, I never told her I was too scared to even say hi for fear she'd stare me down and judge me for my actions.

I, on the other hand, was the complete opposite of her; always talking and laughing at absolutely the smallest things possible. Despite that, our friendship soon blossomed when we found out that we would be in the same sub-unit. It was also then that Jungeun admitted she looked up to me for my phony confidence and faith.

“It’s different… Jungie, what if the members don’t support this? Or what if they can’t s-support me and my choices? I don’t want to force that on them, and I would never do that…”

She’s clearly not having any of my explanation, because I can see her patience fizzle out. “Jinsoul, listen to me. If someone as dense as me can see that you’re having a crush, what makes you think the others haven’t?”

Oh, dear God.

||

The day is here.

The day that their final hair colours and hair styles are going to be decided for the new album.

Well, Jinsoul didn't need to contemplate her next choice of style. She is most definitely not dyeing her hair this comeback; her scalp is already pretty damaged as it is. Although she's grateful for the attention she received because of that cursed blonde hair as well, it truly didn't prove to be a long-lasting option for her. Her interest, however, is peaked after seeing the different styles printed in the book.

“Jiwoo-unnie, are you not getting rid of your bangs yet?” Hyejoo asks, resting her chin on her fist.

“No! I love them!”

Bangs?

It’s the haircut the stylists told Jiwoo to stick with as long as it could blend in with the concept. They agreed with that statement whole-heartedly of course, because it emphasized Jiwoo’s looks and framed her face very nicely. No words could express Jinsoul’s envy when the latter got to keep her hairstyle and hair the way she wanted; she had been stuck with blonde hair ever since debut up till now. Lately, though, Jinsoul noticed how much attention Jiwoo got from her, apparently because bangs made her look much cuter. No, jealousy isn't the correct connotation. Jinsoul is hardly jealous of Jiwoo or her hairstyle, but she wants to receive the same attention from her too.

“I think Jinsoul-unnie should try bangs too,” Chaewon raises her hand, speaking in her signature crunchy voice they all (secretly) love and adore. “After getting her scalp damaged and her hair fried for more than two years, I think she needs bangs to cover up the remains of her bird nest.”

“PARK CHAEWON!!”

Watching Jinsoul lunge at the younger blonde was a sight indeed; according to Chaewon’s words all the time, Jinsoul makes sure to treat her like a princess and an actual younger sister. The two blonde girls were often called the blonde baby unit among their fanbase, which isn’t unknown to the girls.

It is a sight – yes, but even more so for Ha Sooyoung.

All she’s ever wanted, well, wanted more than their success, is to see Jinsoul finally be free of that blonde hell the agency had put her through. Some people don’t know how painful the process is, especially when she could never catch a break. Jinsoul had bust into her room one night, trying to keep her sniffling down to a low volume to prevent waking up the members. It’s weird, and also worrying because Jinsoul never had qualms about wailing like a baby. So imagine Sooyoung’s shock when she wakes up to that depressing sight… She had spent the entire night trying to calm Jinsoul down; whether it was using just words or actions, what mattered was how quick Jinsoul's tears had stopped flowing.

“I think, Jinsoul would pull it off well,” Sooyoung clears her throat, her words gaining attention from the others.

It takes almost all the energy out of Jinsoul to keep her nerves down when she sees the way Sooyoung is smiling.

“BANGS IT IS!”

|

“I told you so! No one else flinched when that happened!”

“She just said bangs would suit me, nothing else…” Jinsoul pouts again, hugging her pillow with all four limbs. She hoped there was a meaning behind that sentence but there probably wasn’t. “And it’s not surprising, I’ve been blonde for years – it must be sickening for her too.”

Jungeun palms her face in frustration.

It’s so difficult to convince Jinsoul that she indeed has a shot with their main dancer. Honestly, she has no clue whether Sooyoung knows it too but her radar is beeping every single time she is in the same room as these two blockheads. Not to brag about it either, but Jungeun’s radar has proven to be pretty darn accurate when observing their classmates back in school. When there is someone remotely interested in the same sex, Jungeun seems to pick up on it quicker than the person themselves. She isn’t going to speak for everyone else; but there is absolutely no way that no one else among the remaining eleven members swing the other way too. It’s fairly easy to see why Jinsoul is afraid, because Sooyoung never expresses herself that much, not when it comes to her love life.

“If it makes you feel better,” Jungeun grins, hand coming up to neaten the girl’s freshly cut bangs. “You do look kind of cute, Unnie. You have a different kind of charm now that your hair is back to black and with those bangs... wow.”

A goofy smile just appears on Jinsoul’s face, cheeks turning a bit pink at that compliment. She has an insanely huge crush on their main dancer, but it doesn’t mean her other members aren’t attractive too. The leader of her subunit; also the one who constantly teases her for her fashion sense and abundance of tears; the one who keeps up her chic persona – of course, Jinsoul is going to get shy.

“Um, Jinsoul!”

The door flies open before the pair can react, revealing Sooyoung in the middle of the doorway. The toothy smile that Jinsoul adores fades when she sees Jungeun with her hand on Jinsoul’s face. If Jinsoul were to be frank with her description of what just happened, she would say there was a look of confusion and anguish that flashed across Sooyoung’s face. Nonetheless, the three of them seem to be stuck in a time loop where all they can do is stare at each other. Jinsoul is starstruck at how good Sooyoung looks in her boy shorts and tank top; Sooyoung is confused at what she had just interrupted and Jungeun, well, she just wants to get herself out of here.

“S-Sorry! I’ll just… I’ll talk to you tomorrow! Goodnight!”

Sooyoung doesn't even take the time to think about what just happened or could have if she didn't interrupt, rushing back to her shared room with Jiwoo immediately. She breathes heavily, leaning her back against her room door this time. It’s unexplainable, but the way Jinsoul looked after getting bangs and dyeing her back to jet black… Sooyoung just wanted to tell the younger that she looked amazing.

Why did she have to see that?

“Back so fast, Unnie?” Jiwoo looks up from her book, surprise written all over her face. She didn’t expect the latter back for another hour at least, judging by the amount of things she wanted to say. “Is Jinsoul-unnie asleep already?”

“No. She’s well awake.”

The sharp and concise tone told Jiwoo that their talk had obviously failed to happen, or didn’t turn out well enough. She wanted to tell Sooyoung that it’s because of her useless gay panic but could she really? Being roommates for years also means Jiwoo has to sit here and listen to Sooyoung go on and on about how pretty their bandmate is – well, she says nothing but facts, it still irritates Jiwoo at how much of a useless gay this one is. Yes, they’ve trained together for a long period of time and become even closer than they originally were but certain things are still kept out of the way – their sexuality is one of them. It doesn’t exactly take a genius to decipher which way Sooyoung swings though, for Jiwoo, one of the few, that is. Sleeping in the same room and having to be the bearer of all her good and bad news; Jiwoo should be paid for listening to her crushes and unrequited ‘love stories’ all the time.

“Hello, Unnie? I’ve decided, I want to cut my hair too.”

“UNNIE?!”

“That’s Jiwoo, sorry. And yes, I’m very sure.”

||

“OH MY GOD? UNNIE!”

“Sooyoung-ah…”

“Sooyoung-unnie!”

Jinsoul’s jaw drops at the newly arrived member; she didn’t say anything at first because she couldn’t recognize the latter from her back view alone. She drops the protein bar onto her lap, eyes scanning Sooyoung shamelessly from head to toe. Their resident swan had just chopped off her luscious black locks that were once her charming point, now it sits nicely at shoulder length. This is not what she was expecting to see, because Sooyoung loves her hair. One time their stylist mentioned a bob cut in the middle of ‘Hi High’ promotions, Sooyoung nearly lost her composure in their waiting room.

Sooyoung giggles at the young members constantly touching her hair in disbelief. She doesn’t waste time in moving towards Jinsoul right away though, leaning against the shelf as she does smiles at the girl. “Well... Jindori, how do you think I look? Different enough from before?”

“U-Uh….”

“Uh… good?”

“U-Um…”

The way Jinsoul’s eyes had darted everywhere in the room for the past few seconds amused Sooyoung; the girl practically looked at every single surface and person in the room except herself. A delayed reaction like this would normally make Sooyoung insecure of herself and her confidence automatically takes a hit. It's just how it's been all her life; so nothing scares her more when she needs validation from the members. Thankfully, the terribly obvious blush on Jinsoul’s face proves that it is in fact a good look on her.

No one can tell, but Sooyoung's heart is ready to beat its way out of her chest just waiting for a response from Jinsoul. She can feel the way her blood is rushing through her veins and up to her neck; if anyone took a good and closer look, they'd also realise she's pretty flushed.

“Y-You look really a-amazing, Sooyoungie…” Jinsoul's voice turns into a whisper, eyes squeezed shut like a child afraid to face up to her own deeds. She has her hands clenched together behind her back, hoping her voice doesn’t crack because of how nervous she is.

“Thank you, Soulie…”

The members’ breaths hitch when they see Sooyoung reach out to lift Jinsoul’s chin slightly, successfully making the younger of the two open her eyes. This is a move often made by Jinsoul when she finds fun in teasing her members, touching or tickling their chins during their performances or on their v-lives. Some members enjoy it, but it's usually for her own amusement most of the time. Being greasy and extremely affectionate to the members is something Jinsoul would do, definitely not Sooyoung. To see someone who gets bashful from receiving compliments or getting the slightest praise being so bold in front of all eleven of them… it’s surprising. A delightful surprise for Jungeun, who has to listen to half of the gay panic. An even more surprising event for Jiwoo, who remembers how frustrated Sooyoung was last night.

Sooyoung gulps when she sees Jinsoul’s eyes dip down to her lips; she was not expecting that. “J-Jinsoul… I…” Sooyoung struggles to carry on with her words, her nerves getting jumbled up in knots. “I wanted to tell you this last night… but you look so, so cute with these bangs.”

“T-Thank you…”

The moment Jinsoul notices the gap between them begin to decrease, her senses kick in right away. She steps away and backs into a wall, a gasp leaving her lips at the hard impact. Why does this look like a scene out of an extremely rated movie with two useless lesbians panicking and not doing anything productive at all?

What the fuck was she doing in front of the members?

“I… I need to shower! BYE!”

Everyone watches in amazement as Jinsoul bolts from her position against the wall and into the bathroom right away. They’ve never seen her become so red or nervous before – what more in front of one of their own members. Jinsoul had already showered, and it shows because there is already a towel around her neck. Plus, how did she even forget about that when Jinsoul literally asked to play rock, paper, scissors to decide who goes first?

What the hell was that?

“Useless lesbian…”

Haseul gasps at the bold choice of words, extremely taken aback at how straightforward and quick that came out. “Kim Jungeun! What in the world did you just say?”

Jungeun laughs nervously, rubbing the back of her neck. She didn't mean for her own opinions to come out in front of the members, but it's obvious all of them heard it loud and clear. It was supposed to be kept under wraps between Jinsoul and her alone, because it is not a topic to be taken lightly. How good of a person would she be if she outed Jinsoul without her permission whatsoever? No matter how much she wants to interfere, Jungeun needs to hold herself back before she makes a grave mistake that could impact all of their lives – even if it takes forever for Jinsoul to make a move and confess to Sooyoung.

“Wait… she’s a lesbian too?” Sooyoung mumbles under her breath, eyes gazing in the direction of their bathroom.

Her eyebrows furrow in confusion.

“What do you mean, too – WAIT WHAT?!”

Maybe she doesn’t have to wait after all…

|

“How did she not know that? Have I not been obvious that I only like girls and want to marry them? As far as I know, she’s probably one of the only ones that doesn’t know! God, I’m so tired! I’ve had this dumb crush on her for years and SHE LIKED ME BACK THIS WHOLE TIME!”

This time, it is not Jiwoo listening to Sooyoung go on and on about her annoyance with this whole issue. The victims are unfortunately Haseul, Heejin and Chaewon, the only few who could pretend they had nothing else better to do.

Pacing up and down her shared bedroom – after making sure Jiwoo stays in someone else’s room, trying to recount her steps and past signs that should have been noticed much earlier, Sooyoung has a haughty look on her. She isn't just mad or annoyed, it's more of surprise that has evolved into frustration. It’s a bit of stretch to say that no one in the group knows her preference when it comes to love and life – she has been so irrevocably clear about it… though Jinsoul isn’t exactly the brightest crayon in the box. Despite the latter's college degree and smarts in school, the younger is way too oblivious to see when people have a thing for her. It’s also one of the reasons why Sooyoung never tried her luck with her, and it’s not as if Jinsoul radiates the same lesbian energy.

“Stop pacing, Sooyoung. You’re giving us all a headache.” Haseul sighs.

“HOW COULD SHE NOT KNOW?!”

“WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME?!”

Chaewon groans at the unnecessary drama, giving both women death glares as she leans against Heejin’s shoulder. She just wanted to go back to their game room where they could concentrate on killing other players together, not be stuck in the middle of a gay conflict like this.

“Please just wrap it up so we can go to bed,” Heejin says, both hands reaching out to pull at the two women. She knows where Sooyoung is coming from but it’s past midnight and past her sanity hours. “And you should be having this conversation with Jinsoul-unnie.”

Sooyoung finally pouts and sits on her bed, crossing her arms and legs just like a sullen child would. She still questions if she hadn’t been obvious enough for Jinsoul to notice. Not that everything she’s done so far is for Jinsoul’s sake but it’s a fact that she fell for her quite some time ago. The first time Jinsoul expressed herself on stage in front of their fans, she ended up breaking down in tears. And as odd as that sounds, Sooyoung knew she wanted to marry the girl. Someone as soft-hearted and pure as Jinsoul yet could get mad at people who hurt her loved ones, someone who could be equally smart yet does questionable things; that kind of dynamics is something Sooyoung wants.

God, she's in deep.

“She looks so cute with those bangs…” Sooyoung whimpers, clutching onto one of Jiwoo’s stuffed toys. “I didn’t expect her to go for the bangs look but I just want to drop to one knee in front of her now! God damn it!”

Jinsoul sits at the kitchen counter with Hyejoo and Jiwoo, all three of them eating a bowl of cereal each to fill their stomachs. It was an interesting night for all of them, although it's clear as day that Jinsoul didn't get sufficient sleep last night. Her eye bags and dark circles only look more prominent without a single hint of make-up. For someone who shares a room with Jungeun and abides by their rules, it’s probably the first time Jinsoul hasn’t gotten a good sleep.

“Unnie… why did you run last night?”

“I thought you two were finally going to get a move on…” Jiwoo mumbles, spoon digging deeper into her cereal bowl. She had been so excited, thinking her roommate’s feelings were reciprocated. “I’ve been waiting for so long, this is crazy…”

Hyejoo cocks a brow at that and stares at Jiwoo curiously; that unintentional slip of a tongue would have been too soft to hear if her ears weren’t sharp enough. She doesn’t know what’s been going on in the older members’ minds in this aspect of life but it’s nice to be a supporting character anyway. The young ones are usually focused on their own games and fun when there are no schedules, which is understandable, really. Their free time is so limited as it is, and the older ones are only too happy to make sure they’re worry-free. She spends a large amount of time trying to perfect her gaming prowess, simultaneously managing her dance practices as well. It doesn't mean she's oblivious to some of things the others are going through; like how Sooyoung and Jinsoul have been pining for each other like useless lesbians always do.

She just didn't expect it to become reality.

“Wait… so you two actually like each other? It’s not some fan theory that I believed in all along?”

Jinsoul stares back at Hyejoo with an undecipherable gaze, putting down her spoon. “Are you spending too much time online, Hyejoo-ah? How do you come up with that conclusion without talking to both of us?”

“Unnie… have you even noticed just how much you look at her? Or the way you tease her on our v-lives sometimes? It’s not that difficult to tell you have something going on; you don’t even tease us like that. But when Sooyoung-unnie tries to do it back to you, you can’t react haughtily or tease her back.”

“Really?”

“Completely! I still remember when Sooyoung-unnie indirectly made you cry during our concert, and then ended up comforting you the entire journey home…”

That event was embarrassing, to say the least.

Jinsoul had sworn that she wouldn't shed a single tear – she does it for every single event that they have with fans – none of that materialized, obviously. Well, after a year and a few months of being on stage and living together, she has accepted that she cries easily when it involves the members and fans, both. In fact, Jinsoul doesn’t know why it happens without control, no matter how prepared she is to prevent the waterworks. That event had started out okay, until Sooyoung told her to speak about her feelings, and she had mumbled her way through her entire speech. To say that it could be understood would be a slight over-estimate, but Jinsoul doesn’t regret pouring her heart out that night. It also allowed the members to see how vulnerable and soft-hearted she could be, with them showering her with affection throughout.

“Jinsoul-unnie’s crybaby behavior worked like a charm.”

“It was not a charm! I couldn’t hold myself back!” Jinsoul protests, voice turning out to be a loud whine instead.

Jiwoo only cackles loudly, starting to get extremely pumped up at this unexpected but much welcomed conversation. “Just like you couldn’t stop your involuntarily gay panic over Sooyoung-unnie’s new hair last night?”

“Shut up…”

It’s probably the first time they’ve seen someone blush so furiously before, Jinsoul’s flush extending to the tip of her ears and around her neck like it did the night before. The only time Jinsoul gets this bashful and embarrassed is … never. She knows how to pick up the mood and makes sure to turn the mood up even if she doesn’t get a reaction from the members for her jokes. Speaking of which, they don’t recall Jinsoul ever sharing her feelings or tiresome emotions that could affect her negatively. The one and only opportunity they had to get her to spill was when she was sleep talking, and didn’t realize Hyunjin was actually speaking to her. If she hadn't rolled around in bed and tumbled onto the floor, Jinsoul would have been fully honest with whatever questions were being asked.

“Unnie… you didn’t hear this from me, but your feelings are definitely not one-sided. I mean, if you can’t already tell by what happened last night. You two were about to start making babies if you didn’t panic, so I can guarantee that you won't be disappointed once you talk to her.”

“I can’t…”

“And why not?!”

“BECAUSE SHE LOOKS SO HOT!”

There’s a stark difference in atmosphere, before a loud giggle erupts from outside the kitchen. The three of them freeze in their places, hearing the same laughter ringing in their ears. Jinsoul was just indirectly forced to confess what she truly thought of Sooyoung’s new, refreshing look. Well, deep down in Jinsoul’s heart, there are a million other words she could use to describe just how amazing Sooyoung looks now.

When the talking and shouting in the kitchen stops, Sooyoung scratches her head curiously. She wonders if the volume of her laughter isn't as soft as she thinks it is. Then again, none of them had realized her presence when she was hiding behind their huge shelf – she went into hiding after noticing Jinsoul come down the stairs half-awake. So it’s not like she planned to eavesdrop or keep being a rat when it comes to Jinsoul, everything just falls into place. God obviously wants them to stop being useless around each other. It won’t be surprising if the girls have even begin to make bets against their pining for each other; Hyejoo and Chaewon would definitely be the first to do so. Those two are demon children, for lack of better description, Chaewon constantly teasing Jinsoul for her endless affection and Sooyoung getting screamed at by Hyejoo all the time. Even their so-called children are a match made in heaven.

“Did you hear that?”

“It’s probably just a rat or something.”

Sooyoung frowns at Jiwoo’s conclusion, she is most certainly not a rat. Well, even if she is, perhaps she’s a pretty extraordinary one. If only Jinsoul knows the unwanted noise is being caused by her, she’d probably have the latter blushing and turning into an uncontrollable mess.

“Yeah, it’s a pretty damn big RAT too!”

Oh, shit.

||

With her fingers clasped together in a praying motion, Sooyoung is seated in an awfully timid position. She did not have this in mind at all. Her spying and stealth are obviously terrible, since the girls are already standing in front of the shelf when she had snapped out of her thoughts. It’s pretty funny, seeing some of the shorter members towering over her in an odd turn of events. Sooyoung can count the number of times the other got to smell the air up there instead of her. What is more deserving of her attention right now is the way Jinsoul can’t seem to look up from her feet.

“How much of our conversation did you listen to, Unnie?”

“Not long.”

The number of cocked brows that face Sooyoung once she says that tells her there isn’t a chance of escaping this conversation. Hyejoo has that expression on; one that exposes her suspicion.

“I was there before all of you were.”

Jinsoul leans back, knocking her head against the wall. No wonder there was giggling and laughter that sounded completely different from Hyejoo and Jiwoo’s – their laughter is extremely distinctive. She thought she had been hearing things but alas, her ears aren't failing her like her confidence is. The huge crush that she had on Sooyoung would be less painful if there was a fraction of a chance that they could actually end up together. If she were to be realistic, Sooyoung would be dating Jiwoo anyway – those two are always by each other’s side.

“Then it’s about time…” YOU TWO FIX THIS!”

Jiwoo all but screams at the top of her lungs, pushing the former blonde with all her might. Hyejoo doesn't waste much time either, grabbing Jiwoo with her as they make a dash for their bedrooms.

“HEEEEEYYYYYY!!!”

By the time Sooyoung opens her eyes, she’s faced with a wide-eyed Jinsoul lying on top of her. Her arms are betraying every single thing her mind is telling her not to do – they’re tightly wrapped around Jinsoul instead of keeping by her side. She can hear her heartbeat drumming in her ears; the feeling of Jinsoul’s body pressed up against hers like this, with no gap between them whatsoever, is surreal. She recalls the times where Jinsoul tried not to stand beside her during photo times, maintaining a firm distance between them. No more initiation of skinship or affection that Jinsoul is known for, not even the least bit touchy like she is to every one of them. At first, Sooyoung thought it was because everyone teased her relentlessly for being so dramatic and clingy, very unlike those of the same age. The root of the problem, however, became evident when Sooyoung finally realized she was the only one Jinsoul was avoiding.

Jinsoul can’t bring herself to open her eyes, not when she can literally feel the curves of Sooyoung’s body. They’ve joked about who has the hottest bodies and nicest curves but good Lord… those abs, those muscles? It should be illegal for someone to be this attractive.

“C-Can I do something for you?” Sooyoung whispers, trying her best to seem natural.

“You can let go of me…”

_“THAT’S THE WRONG ANS--- MMPPPH!”_

Sooyoung lets go of Jinsoul’s waist with staggered breaths, internally irritated that the members were obviously watching their every move like the busybodies they are. Of course, she didn’t expect that answer from Jinsoul though – it would be great if they stopped delaying their little romance. Whatever Jinsoul had been worrying about all this while, it should be invalid if the members already know their… preference.

Nothing should be more important than the acceptance of their members and family members.

Shoving her hands into her pockets, Jinsoul dips her head, utterly embarrassed at the way this had gone. She was imagining a grand event, where she could officially ask Sooyoung out on a date instead. Her brother always did tell her to be more confident in her abilities and she quotes: ‘whoever doesn’t fall in love with you, has to be the biggest idiot in the universe’. Well, what if Sooyoung is one of those idiots? Frankly, the latter never gives her the time of the day, pretends her jokes are not funny (Jinsoul knows she’s hilarious) and rejects her affection all the time. Take the past few schedules for example, Sooyoung either teases her or doesn’t give her any reaction – just like a tsundere would. So, just imagine her surprise when she finds out Sooyoung mentions her in one of their interviews, praising her hugs and being a good listening ear.

“So…”

“Sit down, please? We need to sort this out,” Sooyoung, for the first time, displays a much deeper sense of vulnerability that she reveals to Jinsoul. It is a different kind of vulnerable from the one Jinsoul sees every other night where Sooyoung needs someone to talk to. “Or, I’ll just say my piece and you can choose to ignore it if you want.”

Unlikely, but okay.

Jinsoul nervously takes a seat on the other end of the sofa, keeping herself as closed off as possible. She wouldn’t be able to function like a proper human if Sooyoung is too close to her. If that doesn't prove she's one of those useless lesbians mentioned in shows or books, her obvious crush ont he woman will.

“Come here?”

“U-Uh… no, I’m fine.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” Sooyoung groans aloud, shifting herself as she deem fit. She doesn’t hold back anymore, effectively pinning Jinsoul against the arm rest of the sofa. It's a drastic movement, and probably more of a stretch but she doesn't care. If this is how it has to be to make Jinsoul listen to her, then you best believe she will do it. “You’re not going to listen to anything I tell you? Why do you need to be so stubborn?!”

The two of them stare at each other in a temporary moment of shock; Jinsoul’s eyelids fluttering incessantly in a bid to keep her eyes focused on Sooyoung’s eyes and not her luscious lips. Despite having a crush for that many years, Jinsoul has never once condoned any indecent thoughts of Sooyoung. As much as possible, her thoughts are kept under good control. (If Jungeun ever hears of this, she’s going to make fun of her for trying to remain pure and en route to being a nun. As she mentioned before, their two-year age gap really doesn’t make a difference.) Jinsoul, however, can’t guarantee her self-control if Sooyoung is going to remain on top of her like that – the position she’s trapped in leaves too much room for imagination. This angle only makes Sooyoung's features more prominent than they already are.

Sooyoung ignores the way her hands are sandwiching Jinsoul’s body in between, her mind only focused on one thing and one thing only. She is not getting off the younger until they’re done confessing.

“Look, I know you’re into me, Jinsoul. Let’s cut the crap for once and get right to the point. I think you’re the hottest whether you're blonde or have black hair with bangs, and I think you behave like the babiest baby I’ve ever seen we've become friends.”

Babiest baby?

Where is Sooyoung learning her current choice of words?

“I know you started hating your blonde hair and even I did too, but I can’t ignore the fact that it was the look which made me sweat,” Sooyoung feels her cheeks warm enough to turn her whole face red. She doesn’t hesitate with her explanation. “I didn’t think you could top that look, but here I am, finding you… absolutely adorable because of your black hair. It’s your natural color, and I… I want you to know you look amazing like this too.”

When Jinsoul’s eyes widen in surprise, Sooyoung realizes she had blurted out something no one other than Odd Eye Circle were supposed to know. They knew why Jinsoul started to hate having blonde hair, because the pain after constant bleaching and coloring was starting to affect Jinsoul greatly. She didn’t want to share this with the members despite their long talks because it wasn’t that big of a deal compared with their concerns. Though Jungeun remained tight-lipped about their own talks, Yerim was comparable to the black hole. She had happily spilled everything out after being treated to pancakes and waffles, only to beg the older members to keep it a secret as well.

“Don’t blame Yerim. She was too distracted to notice.”

“I knew it,” Jinsoul huffs. “Jungeun would never give in.”

“Either way… I’m incredibly proud that you pulled through, showing that smile of yours even after a whole day of bleaching during our performances.”

For the two years that Jinsoul had blonde hair, she wondered if anyone could actually feel the emotional distress on her. Some people took notice of her because of the blonde look, some even started having her as their bias for the same reason. So, imagine her uncertainty when she impulsively decided to cut bangs just because Sooyoung said she would look good…

“You have no idea how much it means to hear you say that. I know I’m not a strong dancer, neither am I a very good vocalist but it means the world to me that you’d recognize my efforts like fans do.”

It breaks Sooyoung’s tender heart, knowing Jinsoul – the optimist and one of the crybabies they tease – feels that her talents fall short of the others. When asked about her personal talents or interests, Jinsoul’s voice tends to change its tone. She still isn’t used to hearing interviews or radio DJs ask for her to sing. Even her song compositions and lyrics that have been submitted to the company weren’t responded to – of course, it’s going to kill Jinsoul’s confidence slowly.

“It’s not just me though, every one of us knows how much effort you put into our performances. You whine and cry all the time, but the members love you so much. Put aside all the teasing and clowning; the younger ones really adore and pamper you sometimes. Jungeun and Jiwoo don’t feel like they’re younger but they have the warmest hearts. And me… as well as Haseul and Vivi-unnie, you’re our balance. You give the best comfort and hugs whenever we need someone to confide in.”

The tears that well in Jinsoul’s eyes don’t get the chance to start flowing, because Sooyoung already has her fingertips pressed just below her eyes. She should have known just how prone to crying Jinsoul would be after hearing her heartfelt words. In the midst of their initially heated conversation, they had naturally maneuvered so now Sooyoung has Jinsoul in her arms. She can barely hold her own tears back, heart going soft whenever her emotions run high. It’s a miracle that Sooyoung, for the first time, is not the one wailing her eyes out.

“Sooyoung…”

“I mean every word of that,” Sooyoung can’t see Jinsoul’s face or expression from their current position, but she rubs the latter’s cheek tenderly. The latter is thankfully, not crying anymore.

If any of the members walked into the living room, they would probably be shocked at the shocking turn of events within the span of fifteen minutes. A whole emotional rollercoaster had just taken place involuntarily, resulting in an odd reverse. How could it be this surprising?

Jinsoul knows her eyes are beginning to get sore; the after-effect of shedding tears and trying to hold it in at the same time. She still feels bewildered at the state of things. Never in her life had she imagined this to be the outcome. All along, her struggle in accepting her sexuality was a battle to be fought alone. Getting to debut at such a young age and not spending enough time with the other members made Jinsoul anxious. Her life and her career would be finished before she even gets the chance to make her mark. Is falling in love with someone so wrong, so difficult to accept? No. Is liking someone who’s in the same group and of the same sex difficult to accept? Too damn difficult. It also forms a reasonable argument for Jungeun to understand her doubts and inner conflict, though she never got the chance to vocalise this.

“I can’t believe you thought you were the only one who swings… the more favorable way.” Sooyoung giggles, rubbing her face with the other hand. Once upon a time, she was that fearful as well. “If you opened your eyes just a little more, I think you would have realized…”

Jinsoul makes a face, scrunching up her nose at the underlying meaning behind that comment. “What do you mean by that? Are you saying everyone already knows that I’m…?”

A sheepish grin spreads across Sooyoung’s (extremely beautiful) face, which gives Jinsoul more than enough of an answer to deal with. “Well, not that but… you’re definitely not the only one.” Sooyoung's expression begins to turn mischievious, and Jinsoul wonders if she should be having this conversation right now. “I shouldn't be saying this but even the most unexpected ones, are already making moves.”

A clown.

For months, she’s been a clown thinking no one would know about her or even have the same thoughts as her. She must have looked extremely worrying from the other members’ perspectives, retreating into her defensive shell almost every night. While the others were focused on strengthening their bonds and opening up to each other, Jinsoul had been too afraid to even open her mouth. If there was a slip of tongue or bad control over herself, God knows what the consequences could be. Yet all this time, the members already had some form of idea about what Jinsoul was going through – they were ready for her to open up at her own comfort.

“Hey but listen…” Sooyoung holds Jinsoul’s face, turning her so they could face each other. She blinks a few tears away, seeing how relieved and relaxed the younger one is. “I know we shouldn’t be rushing into things, but I really want us to… get together, officially. For once, think of what you want... and not about the group, because I will be the one dating you, not the other ten clowns.”

For the first time the entire morning they’ve been here, Jinsoul gathers enough courage to let her eyes meet Sooyoung’s. She can practically feel the whirlwind of emotions and thoughts flashing through the taller girl’s mind. It definitely isn’t easy for Sooyoung to take control of the whole situation and be the one to confess her feelings first – her leadership qualities are become more and more apparent day by day. It is one of the traits that Jinsoul came to love. Despite the amount of time Sooyoung spends teasing and picking on her, she also makes sure to shower her with affection and kind words.

It’s expected of her as a leader, but Jinsoul always knew there was something else there.

“Did you know I got these bangs because of you?”

“What? Why?” Sooyoung has an incredulous expression on her face, looking at Jinsoul’s bangs to her beautiful eyes and back again.

“Because you’re always with Jiwoo, and she had bangs… I mean, her cute face isn’t something I have either but still…”

The closer Jinsoul gets to the end of her sentence, the softer her voice becomes. She already knows her entire face is red with embarrassment now that she’s being honest. She wouldn’t say that she felt jealousy towards Jiwoo, because the young one didn’t let her – she often used pretty and kind words to make sure Jinsoul knew she was perfect the way she was. The difference in the amount of attention that Sooyoung paid to both of them was a nip in the bud though. Of course, being in different sub-units will make an impact but Jinsoul couldn’t control her emotions as and how she pleased.

“You’re the biggest idiot I’ve ever known.”

“I know, I k---”

Sooyoung smiles into the kiss; she just knows Jinsoul’s eyes are wide open like a swordfish – yes, a swordfish has the biggest eyes of the fish family and don’t ask how she knows that. She might have slipped and researched on marine biology just so she can understand what Jinsoul's passion was.

When Jinsoul feels Sooyoung’s fingers crawling up to cradle her jaw, she knows it’s time to halt their affection before they get blackmail material brought to them. She involuntarily lets out a bunch of giggles when she feels Sooyoung pout against her lips, trying to pull her even closer – a needy Sooyoung is very, very adorable. The temptation to drop everything and lower her guard is heightening, to say the very least… 

“Ha Sooyoung, stop,” Jinsoul pushes the older woman with a hand pushing against her chest, her face an evident bright red. She probably can’t be taken seriously, judging by Sooyoung’s predatory gaze. “I… Is this a good idea? What if it doesn’t work out and we don’t end up being happy? I don’t want this to ruin the group dynamics.”

“Oh my God, I’ve had enough!”

Sounds of stomping feet finally bounce against the walls, the other members revealing themselves one by one – some hidden in the most obnoxious places.

“Kim Hyunjin… you…” Sooyoung gasps, watching as the said girl crawls out from under the sofa with a slice of bread in hand. Her jaw only drops further when Yerim and Yeojin appear from behind either side of their curtains; these kids were eavesdropping on them the whole time.

Haseul almost begins to feel apologetic once she sees how traumatized Jinsoul looks as the members begin to make their appearance; the brunette only turns redder and redder after seeing Yerim and Yeojin. The members were definitely having a field day though, snapping a few pictures here and there; some to get a kick out of it and some on the verge of tears. Hiding in the curtains only means they watched everything that went on, even the kissing and giggling. Contradictory as it may sound, Jinsoul is cautious about being lovey-dovey with people she feels more for despite her endless need for affection and quality time. Don’t mention resident softie Jinsoul, even Sooyoung seems the most embarrassed she’s ever been since their debut.

“Sorry, Jindori. I couldn’t stop them…”

“Pft, you were the one who asked us to watch over them…” Jungeun mumbles, earning a smack on the back of her head. “Ow!”

Taking Jinsoul’s trembling hand into her own, Sooyoung gives it a reassuring squeeze – the girl looks as if she’s about to pass out any moment now. Sooyoung wonders what the other members would think about them, though her instincts already give her a rather good feeling.

“So…?” Jinsoul all but barely shrieks out, her entire body feeling like it’s about to be thrown down a high-rise building. “Y-You guys already heard our conversation, a-and obviously k-know that I-I’m….”

Jungeun steps forward to hold onto her roommate’s hand; flashbacks of the time Jinsoul was bold enough to open up about her own feelings were flashing through her mind. It’s not easy for a person to do that, much less to a group member. There are so many risks and factors that hindered Jinsoul from being honest with everyone, and that tortured the older girl the most. To finally see Jinsoul get together with Sooyoung would be a dream come true.

“We want you to be happy, Unnie,” Yeojin smiles cutely, rushing in to hug Jinsoul tightly. “Take care of yourself and Sooyoung-unnie. You two can be my parents now…”

Chaewon frowns and gently shoves Jungeun side, clinging onto Jinsoul’s other arm. “Don’t even think about it, Im Yeojin. I've been Jinsoul-unnie's daughter since we were both blonde.”

“All of you are being ridiculous,” Hyejoo butts in unexpectedly, not moving a muscle from where she had been seating. She didn’t want to be extra and add on to everyone’s comments, but they were getting just a bit too carried away. “They are obviously MY parents.”

Now watching the other members fight over the useless title of parents, Sooyoung stands to the side with Jiwoo beside her. She can’t take her eyes off Jinsoul – the sincere relief and love for all the members visible in the latter’s very own orbs. Whilst her heart is at ease for now, Sooyoung too doesn’t know what to expect for the future. If their fans discover such a relationship, can they accept it? Can the republic of Korea finally stop being dumbasses and act like actual humans? Now that their career is finally begining to take off as a group, it wouldn't be too smart to jeopardize that. Dancing and training in the academy was merely a stepping stone to make sense of her dream, even skipping classes to make it to training all whilst hiding it from her parents. Who’d ever thought that she’ll be finding her happiness in this group of twelve amazing people?

Yet, when Jinsoul slides beside her and rests her head against her shoulder, Sooyoung finds herself at peace again – nothing was worth fretting over anymore.

As long as Jinsoul is by her side, everything will go according to the way it’s supposed to be.

“We’ll be okay,” Jinsoul whispers, planting a quick peck on her cheek.

Sooyoung watches with teary eyes and a blurred vision as the members surround them in a group hug, basking in the blissful moments together. She didn’t deserve such good members and family. Her attention is soon whisked away by Jinsoul sniffling into her shoulder, her bangs getting a bit messy due to the constant rubbing of her face.

Kissing the top of Jinsoul’s head tenderly, Sooyoung grins, “we’ll definitely be okay.”

**Author's Note:**

> if you prefer to drop ccs or other ways instead: 
> 
> curiouscat: www.curiouscat.me/lostinsoul
> 
> twitter: @hyunforwan


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